One of the ideas behind MYFC, is that we the fans have a fair idea about what is happening on the pitch and we think we know what should be done about it. Now, I don’t claim any great tactical knowledge of the game, but as the title says, I know what I like.
We start with the goalkeeper. He should be a big lad, has to be about 6 foot 2 or more or I feel like I'm being short changed. For that extra couple of inches, I would pay a bit more cash. He knows certain things about the game. The six yard box belongs to him, and anybody that comes into that area is asking for a clattering. The goalkeeper is a breed apart, he can never be wrong. When he comes for a cross, I want him to take the ball, the defenders, the forwards and the referee if he is daft enough to get in the way. A goalkeeper going for a cross is like a snowplough, anything in its path gets wiped out. A goalkeeper that half comes for a cross and then waves at it is no good to me. Goalkeepers that punch all the time are just asking for the ball to be whacked back at them. My man has to be a catcher, and a punch is an action of last resort. Like I said the goalkeeper is never wrong, even when he is, he won't admit it. What should he do if he misses a cross? That’s right, launch into his centre half for not doing his job properly. I like a keeper who when faced with a one on one situation, you still fancy him to get you out of the manure.
Full backs. That is what they are, none of this wing back rubbish. What is their job? Defend at all costs and prevent crosses. An ability to tackle like a Jack Russell dog is also on the job description. He needs to remember that his half of the pitch is where he should be, and only cross the half way line in times of panic or when we are 3-0 up. Now what can the full back do to get all his attacking frustrations out of himself? The answer is penalty kicks and long range free kicks on goal. All that pent up frustration of having to defend all day is released with a bullet of a penalty kick or a 30 yard free kick in the top corner. Once a season he is also allowed to put one in from 30 yards in open play, just so he can show the glamour forwards how the job is done. But at all times, he must be ready to leg it back into the defence.
Centre halves. I think these go into 2 types here and hopefully you have one of each. Minimum height of 6 foot 2. The first centre half has to be as ugly as hell to scare the centre forward. I'm sorry, but a twisted ex broken nose is compulsory. He must be willing to head the ball all day long. His use of the ball with his feet should be adequate but not fancy. He also hates centre forwards as they are the glamour guys. When your centre half goes up for a corner, he must believe that he is the best forward in the world, and that he has only one aim and that is the bullet header into the net with the goalie rooted to the spot. Centre half 1 is ideal captain material as he is more than willing to give his opinion on play to anybody who did or did not ask for it. Centre half 2 is the brains of the combination. He reads the game and lets centre half 1 do all of the heading, therefore he is a more handsome looking footballer. He reads the game, steps in to snuff out danger and plays the ball effortlessly forward to the midfield of the team.
Every midfield needs a midfield general. He is in charge. He is the enforcer. He absolutely hates the other team to have the ball. In a perfect world this player would be Scottish. His aim is simple - "That ball is mine and I'm getting it!". A bit of Jack Russell again in his breeding is an advantage. A man that just doesn't know when to give in. Alongside him can be a few classy passers of the ball, but without the general, they just watch the ball pass them by.
Now we come to a key member of personnel, a proper winger. This mans job is to get the ball just in the other teams half and run at the full back. This has two effects. First the crowd gets to their feet hoping that he is going to skin him, get to the byline and deliver a beautiful cross for the number 9. Secondly, to put the fear of God up the full back who is going backwards and he has the knowledge that the winger is about to make him look a pratt. This is all good for morale. The sight of a winger taking on a full back again and again, is one of the beautiful things of the beautiful game. If it is done correctly and it ends with the number 9 burying the ball in the back of the net, then as Shakespeare once said in one of his plays, "The job's a good'un".
Now we come to the star. The centre forward who has to have a big number 9 on his back. The 9 says this - "I am the number one forward and I am the best!". A forward with number 17 on does not have the same impact. The centre forward has to be 6 foot 2 and built like a brick outhouse. His face may not be as pretty as it was when he was 18, but all those centre halves do need something to break their noses on.
He has to be good in the air and be the best friend of the winger so he gets plenty of crosses. When he scores a goal, there is none of this pointing to the name on his shirt, he doesn’t need that. He knows he is the best. We need a run back to the halfway line with his arm circling like a windmill as he runs. He has to be brave as a lion and have the same attitude as the goalkeeper - "The six yard box belongs to me". This can lead to some interesting moments between the two players. A top class centre forward has to have a bullet header in his collection of skills and has to score at least two goals a season when being unconscious due to a collision as he attacks the ball. Alongside the big number 9, is a smaller, quick and skillful forward to pick up all the bits from the big man and run onto his click ons.
So there we have it, football is a simple game. Stick to the basics, players know their jobs and the job gets done. Most of the above will sound trash to anybody born after 1980, but this is how proper football was played in the 1970s, when men were men, goalies wore green tops, a substitute was number 12 and you knew who he was. Your defenders defended, your forwards took the chances and of course, your wingers got you off your seat and you screamed those simple words to him -
"Go on, 'ave 'im!"
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